If you live or spend time in Del Ray, you know what a unique community this is. There’s something grounding about walking down the Avenue, waving to neighbors, or bumping into an old friend at St. Elmo’s. Del Ray is a place that values connection. And that connection matters deeply, especially when it comes to how we care for our teens.
In my work as a therapist, and as someone who lives and raised a family here, I hear from parents, teachers, and teens themselves about how overwhelming adolescence can feel right now. There’s the pressure to perform, the nonstop pace of social media, political realities, the emotional intensity of growing up—and often, a quiet sense of feeling not quite okay. If you’ve seen this in your teen or someone you love, you’re probably not imagining it. And the good news is, there are real, research-backed ways to help.
One of the most powerful things we can offer teens is the idea that emotional wellness isn’t something you either have or you don’t. It’s something you can learn. Coping skills, the kind based in solid clinical research, can be taught, practiced, and strengthened, just like any other skill. And these skills don’t require perfection or hours of meditation. Often, they start with just noticing.
Noticing what? Thoughts. Emotions. The way your body feels when something’s off. One small shift I teach teens is how to pause and ask, “What just went through my mind?” That pause, what we call cognitive awareness, creates the space and time to respond rather than react. Teens learn that their thoughts aren’t always facts, and that changing how they think can actually change how they feel. That’s not fluff, it’s backed by real science.
Another skill that makes a real difference is learning how to step out of overwhelming feelings. This doesn’t mean avoiding feelings, but sometimes a feeling can be so big that we have to get it more under control before we can process it.
Managing big emotions is kind of like emotional first aid, and it doesn’t have to be a big, time-consuming intervention. Sometimes it looks like a simple sensory reset: holding something very cold, splashing cold water on your face, or moving your body to change your mental state. These tools are incredibly effective at helping the nervous system calm down. And for teens, they’re empowering because they can use them anytime and almost anywhere.
What’s also true is that a lot of teens are carrying around self-critical thoughts that they likely keep inside. One of the hardest, most transformative things teens (and adults) can learn is how to treat themselves with compassion. Not indulgence, not avoidance, but the same kind of kindness and understanding they’d show a friend. This shift in inner dialogue can be life-changing. And no, it doesn’t happen overnight. But it’s something that can be practiced. That’s the key: all of this is practice.
We often think that teens will just “grow out” of emotional struggles, or that if we don’t talk about them, they’ll go away. But the reality is that when teens are given real tools—concrete, actionable ways to handle what’s hard—they often rise to the occasion. The truth is that no one wants to feel or act bad, but often we don’t know what to do to feel better. When teens build coping skills they begin to trust their ability to manage the necessary ups and downs of life. They start to feel more grounded, more in control, and more like themselves.
The work of teaching people the skills they need to feel better, not in some distant future, but starting now is something I care deeply about. That’s why I wrote Thoughts & Feelings for Teens—to bring together the most effective tools in CBT, DBT, and ACT and make them accessible to the teens who need them. And it’s why I creating a companion online course, so teens can learn these skills in a format that fits their lives.
But you don’t need a book or a course to start helping the teens in your life. You can begin by listening, by normalizing emotional ups and downs, and by sharing the message that struggling doesn’t mean broken. It just means your human. And that there are real ways to feel better.
If you’re here in Del Ray and raising or working with a teen, please know that you’re not alone. This community is full of people who care deeply. And when we combine that care with practical tools and just a little bit of curiosity, we can help our teens thrive—not someday, but now.
Elisa Nebolsine, LCSW is a a cognitive behavioral therapist who believes relationships are powerful, research is necessary, and life is supposed to feel meaningful. She work with adults and teens in her Alexandria, VA office as well as online. She is an adjunct faculty member at the Beck Institute in Philadelphia, Catholic University of America School of Social Work, and teaches CBT to therapists nationwide. Washingtonian Magazine has named me a “top therapist” in four distinct categories. She is also the author of Your Amazing Teen Brain, The Grit Workbook for Kids, and Thoughts & Feelings for Teens: A Workbook. Learn more at elisanebolsine.com.
