When life is flowing, relationships are harmonious and we feel secure, accessing love and gratitude can feel effortless, bubbling to the surface easily and without thought. However, as we all know, the landscape of love and gratitude are not always so sweet and accessible. A job loss, intense argument with a boundary pushing teenager, illness in a loved one, to name a few, can bring a sense of heart hardening. When we add collective uncertainty and divisiveness into the mix, appreciation and love can feel utterly elusive.
As we move into November and the imminent arrival of the holidays, our own and others’ expectations to feel love and gratitude can feel daunting. So, what are we to do? Hide in our homes until January, attend gatherings and say things we do not mean, force a smile that conceals the fear we are experiencing? As a transpersonal counselor and yoga therapist, it should not surprise you that my answer is a resounding “no.” There is no need to feel any differently than we do. However, that also does not mean we need to shut down until things feel easy or secure. To access love and connect to heartfelt gratitude, the invitation is to not to ignore what resides in our hearts, but instead to feel into them even more deeply and trust our innate capacity to do so.
The truth is that love is our innate impulse, our most natural state. Love does not require any “doing” on our parts, nor does it require that our circumstances feel good or our futures certain. When we allow ourselves to get quiet and clear enough to access it, love becomes the most powerful resource available to us. Our hearts can hold everything — the grief, appreciation, rage, wonder, disbelief, heartbreak, hope, fear, compassion – all of it, all at once. Love is not naïve, it is transformative. We do not turn away from the suffering and uncertainty of the world or in our own lives, but we also do not harden in response. We do not excuse harm or avoid our pain, but we tap into the part of ourselves that allows us to feel it fully and alchemize it.
Word of warning. As I often share with my clients, there is an enormous difference between genuine feelings of love and gratitude and spiritual bypassing (defined as using spiritual beliefs or practices to avoid dealing with difficult emotions or personal challenges). If we rush too quickly into “I am blessed” or “sending love and light” before we have allowed ourselves the time and space to feel what we need to feel, we can create more harm and disconnect. However, when we tend to our hearts in an authentic way, transformation happens, both personally and collectively.
Our hearts can understandably build layers of protection in these uncertain and sometimes frightening times, but with intentionality, practice, and support we can sit with all our feelings and witness them transform. Where do we start? We begin by getting quiet and listening. We sit in meditation, pray, spend time in nature, journal, chant, move our bodies, make art. We ask ourselves- how might my life change if I let the pull to love guide me this season? How might gratitude be possible if I don’t turn away from any parts of myself?
A Practice to Access Love and Gratitude
Find a comfortable seat.
Place both hands over your heart.
Let your breath move slowly in and out through the space of your heart.
With each inhale, imagine the heart expanding and softening.
With each exhale, come back to the center of your heart.
From this space, ask yourself (and perhaps journal) – what does my heart want to say in its own language? How can I tend to my heart in this moment? For what am I genuinely grateful?
Tracy DeBellis is a Resident in Counseling at Del Ray Psych & Wellness. Her approach integrates Gestalt and mindfulness-based therapies with somatic awareness, breathwork, and self-compassion, helping clients expand awareness and align mind, body, and spirit. She supports individuals navigating anxiety, depression, identity development, life transitions, self-esteem, and spiritual growth, offering a space of deep curiosity and nonjudgmental care. Learn more at delraypsych.com.
